trying to clear the air... ?

Posted by dancer (129.78.208.4) on November 13, 2006 at 09:46:31:

In Reply to: Parents posted by On the Flip Side on November 07, 2006 at 18:46:05:

"Why is there such a strong desire to have an arangetram? Instead of blaming the musicians, why not address the issue of what's driving this need for an arangetram? Is an arangetram a basic human right? Is it somehow needed for existence or survival?"

I think some people are minimalizing (or are just plain ignorant of) what an arangetram has come to stand for in the U.S. True, in the olden days in India it signified the beginning of a dancer's career; it was an important event, but not something to be celebrated in such a grandiose fashion as there were more important performances to come.

Unfortunately, things are not like that today. We can sit and point out what a shame it is that the original concept of an arangetram is no longer understood, but that would be ignoring context. The arangetram in America is a celebration, on par with Bar/Bat Mitzvah's, Quinceneras, Sweet 16's... etc. Here, we have all of these events for teenagers (usually girls), and the Indian community has come to adopt the arangetram as their own celebration for their daughters. And can you blame them? I can see responses being posted to this, bashing the American materialistic society and the incompetency of NRI's in preserving their culture, but understand that the phrase "when in Rome..." applies here. The arangetram is not just about dance here (and some may argue it has very little to do with dance); it is about cultural assimilation as well.

Of course, I don't think it is right that an arangetram is necessarily such a lavish event, but at the same time I cannot blame parents for wanting the best for their kids, as their friends' children are getting similar celebrations in their own cultures. My parents are not wealthy, but they would not even consider doing my arangetram on a small scale. Even if I had suggested a temple hall, they would not have agreed... and so a large auditorium was rented, an orchestra from India was hired, and a buffet dinner was catered. Someone once upon a time in the U.S. decided to have a big arangetram for their child, and after that followed many more lavish arangetrams. If you don't have a similarly grand arangetram, people start talking, parents feel guilty, and children-- well, they may care or not care (most likely the former, because it is only natural). So, yes, it's easy for someone, who knows nothing about what an arangetram has come to mean in the States, to ask "what's the big deal? Do something small and get over it." But believe me, this is much easier said than done. There is a social context one must consider.

As for parents complaining about the costs of an arangetram when they already have an elaborate one in mind... I do not know. My parents let out several sighs when analyzing the fees for different things, but they never complained, and simply paid what was required. I don't think my orchestra was overpriced (we paid $3,000 for the singer, mridangist, and flautist), but it ticks me off that most of the money went to the sponsors and not them. In that sense, I think the sponsor was overpriced! However, I understand that Concerned Parent went through a different sort of orchestral arrangement, and so I cannot comment on musicians in general. Also, the guru dakshina was never specified by my guru (luckily, for us, she is a very kind person who wouldn't demand any amount of money). So, we gave her what we could-- I believe $2,000-- and she was appreciative.