Unmuting on Grooming
A closer look on sexual grooming in the dance ecosystem
- Asiya Shervani & Arshiya Sethi
e-mail: arshiyasethi@gmail.com
June 25, 2025
In the world of Indian dance, where metaphors abound in the art and
oblique references are signs of great artistry, some of the forthright
statements and examples contained in this article might startle. But
where love, care and concern are indistinguishable from the most ignoble
and sordid forms of violence and abuse, that is an evil place.
Unfortunately, recent incidents have shown that the world of Indian
dance is also one such space. Both inside and outside the ecosystem of
dance, we see an activity called grooming happening.
If you have been following international news you can see that in UK
there is a big outcry on the issue of grooming, except that grooming is
not limited to the arts sphere. However, earlier this year there were
allegations of grooming from South Korea against its best-known young
star Kim Soo Hyun, well known philanthropist, recipient of an award from
the taxation department for prompt, complete and thorough tax filing
and endorser of as many as seventeen products simultaneously. The
37-year-old was accused of grooming and dating actress Kim Sae-ron since
she was a minor. Kim Sae-ron died by suicide, on his birthday.
Her family blamed him and the internet erupted with shouts of grooming.
Last year itself from USA the world's most popular youtuber, MrBeast,
real name James Stephen Donaldson was compelled to ask his co-host, Ava
Kris to step away from the programme because of possible grooming
patterns. It was alleged that inappropriate and edgy jokes that Ava, a
transwoman had indulged in when she was 20 and the fan 13, appeared
troublesome. Both Ava and the fan have dismissed it as jokes depicting
poor taste and no more, yet Donaldson recognised the problematic.
This article however is drawn from our unfortunate learnings and
observations mostly from the field of the arts through our work on
Unmute, and outside, in our individual pursuits of work and activism.
Our encounter with grooming made us shocked, surprised and disheartened.
Therefore, we are compelled to write this as it is not commonly
discussed. If there is silence around a subject, there is less
understanding of it. It makes the victims more vulnerable, the
perpetuator more daring and the stakeholders responsible for safe
environments either clueless, blind or worse, face averters! Therefore,
we hope that this piece is read by all and we have attempted to write it
simply, but we hope it is not too simplistic!
Let's begin by getting on to the same page with what we understand as
grooming. If we feel confused whether we are experiencing affection or
being manipulated, we are more likely than not being groomed. Grooming, a
much-misunderstood term, is usually used for the care we take of pets
like dogs, cats and horses. In fact, we even refer to a well-groomed
person, referring to someone who takes care of appearance and turn out.
But, since the 1980s a more sinister meaning, coming from the field of
abnormal psychology, is also attached to this word. In this lexicon, it
acquired its more popular meaning - befriending or influencing, a child
or an adult, in preparation for future mental, physical and sexual
abuse. This is the sense of the term that now prevails in public
discourse. So, when we use the word grooming in the context of abuse, we
mean that the target (of abuse) is so well adjusted to the ongoing and
upcoming violations, that the perpetrator will not need to adopt any
coercive tactics, as the target of abuse appears to not see it as such
and goes with it as if with choice.
Some of the newer laws recognize this reality and therefore define
harassment and abuse, not in terms of coercion, but in terms of whether
there was consent. However, that does not solve the problem entirely
because consent is another term which is so easy to misunderstand or
intentionally misrepresent. When a victim is unable to say a clear No,
would that mean that they have consented? For instance, if your Kathak
Guru, an icon in the world of high arts, insists on you giving him a
massage and you don't say "No", but you say, "I need to go home now", or
try to change the subject so that the massage is forgotten, wouldn't
that amount to a No too? If a Guru wants to practice a particularly
erotic dance sequence with you when you are alone with him at his
residence-school, and you respond by saying "Maybe another day", is that
a yes or a no? We would think it's a No, but sexual predators would
convince themselves, as well as the victim, that it's a Yes.
As sexual abuse case workers, both authors, associated closely with the
initiative called Unmute, have learnt that truth is elusive, there are
only perspectives and versions of it. Unmute is an initiative by
stakeholders in the field of the arts to create awareness on arts and
the law, in the hope of making the art world a safe space. In that
context we conduct regular listening sessions, workshops, conferences
and trainings, and even have a website called Unmute.help, as a one stop
window on Arts and the Law, with a special focus on the rights and
responsibilities of artists and arts leaders. Based on the trends
analysed from these sessions, we often write articles like this one,
replete with examples, to create deeper awareness, while keeping
identities protected.
Grooming is both a form of abuse as well as a prelude to further abuse.
Those responsible for creating safe environments like institution heads
and those investigating sexual abuse complaints, like the Internal
Committee in a Prevention of Sexual Harassment (PoSH) compliant
institution, need to recognize grooming patterns, view them as abuse and
educate their teams to identify it as such. Grooming is a game of
patience and a long-term strategy. It can be carried out in-person or
online. Identifying a potential victim requires a basic strategy, an
initial part of which entails "testing the waters", let's say by
introducing physical touch, which appears harmless or unsuspicious. This
could for instance take the form of prolonged rubbing while patting the
back, giving hugs, or play wrestling, or "affectionately" pinching
cheek in a "fatherly" way, when for example, a dance piece is executed
well. This initial test plays a key role in victim finalization.
Then the next step could be to create opportunities to get some alone
time with the selected target. It could be offering an extra class or
some focused one-on-one coaching outside the usual schedule, when other
students or administrative staff are not around. It could also mean
requests for pickup and drop, citing the time together to discuss
strategies of how to promote the career of the young dancer. These words
alone could make the dancer well-disposed to the person. We have seen
critics, who are often part of festival selection committees push
unbecomingly, for only a few select names, or sometimes just one name,
repeatedly. Patterns revealed during observation of their interaction
strongly suggests grooming, but who can say? No one, other than the
dancer can call this out. However, to call it out, the dancer needs to
recognize it as abuse and not be in denial.
Over a period of time, or sometimes in as short a time span as a few
days or a couple of weeks, the touch may turn increasingly more sexually
inappropriate for instance giving or asking for massages, claiming body
pain or a splitting headache. The authors know of a case where the
teacher insisted on giving a student massages using a rare technique and
special oils. Initially the massages were effective in relieving her
chronic stress and anxiety. The student shared the effectiveness of
these massages with her peers. All appeared consensual, and then the
teacher progressed to beyond decency lines, ending up ejaculating
himself. This is not a one-off example. There are many versions of
similar kinds of abuse, some in which the teacher filmed everything and
used the footage to blackmail and threaten exposure to ensure that
further exploitation and possible rape could continue unhindered. If at
some point the victim here decides to make a complaint, there will be
enough witnesses who will be dismissive and vociferously vouch that the
massages were consensual, which they were, initially.
In fact, even when the abuse has reached this escalated state, the
victim may not be registering it as abuse, because grooming does not
only involve physical aspects but also emotional manipulation. Victim
finalization also seems to follow a pattern. Disturbed, ambitious or
socially uncomfortable people are targeted, as they are seen as needy in
one way or the other, and by this time, the victim may have been
convinced that the abuser is the only dependable person. The abuser may
have, or through his strategic approach, isolated the victim from their
family, other teachers, or any peer who has a support system and the
ability to detect and fight the more insidious and clever forms of
emotional and physical abuse.
These tactics are commonplace in child abuse and Intimate Partner
Violence as well. The modus operandi has trapped even the smartest
people, because it happens slowly, something like drip irrigation or
rather slow poisoning, and somewhere along the line, you become
habituated or even addicted to the poison. In the absence of the ability
to comprehend what is being done to you, which is fuelled by enablers,
who you trust and the ecosystem to which you have been dedicated all
your life, the best of us could find ourselves in a situation which
began as a blessing but soon turned diabolical and devastating.
Oftentimes when the abuse gets unbearable, the victim, now older, may
beg to be spared or may have smartened up enough to notice that there is
another or few others who can replace her/him as victim. At this stage,
sometimes due to co-dependency, the erstwhile victim turns into a
recruiter. This is how a new generation of victims are born. Didi or
Akka, "coaches" you to accept the blessings and special favours of the
beloved Guru or the mentor. Over a period of time, a victim may
understand that they are being manipulated. However, due to the
disbalanced power dynamic, she/he knows they are dependent on the
teacher for recommendations to jobs, desired roles on stage, access to
accompanying artists, sponsors, organizers, or inclusion in foreign
tours, etc.
However, it is not only about tangible or career related needs. A
groomer is quick to identify unmet psychological needs of a person for
whom they are already an authority figure. It could be a need to be
treated with affection, attention or respect. The groomer will fulfil
some of these needs to win their trust. Once trust is established,
ramping up of abusive behaviour can be accelerated. It becomes easier to
play mind games.
In listening sessions, we have heard about instances where the groomer
used the dancer's insecurity and doubts about her talent, to nurture her
imposter syndrome as a result of which she started believing that she
is only getting opportunities to perform because of her groomer-Guru,
not because she deserved it. Students who are hard on themselves, lack
self-esteem and are conditioned to be people pleasers and therefore lack
the ability to establish interpersonal boundaries are ideal candidates
for long term and extremely damaging forms of mental as well as physical
abuse. Groomers use attitudes, comments and behaviours very
intentionally to create a particular impact in the mind of their prey.
The term 'predator' for the groomer and 'prey' for the victim are more
than accurate in terms of strategies adopted.
While the victims' vulnerabilities obviously intersect with other forms
of marginalities, including class, caste, ability and sexual
orientation, and during the regime of 377, the vulnerability was
definitely greater, stigma still prevails against the victim. In
contrast, the groomer may have a celebrity status, political connections
(real or perceived) and social mileage. Ever wondered why some Gurus,
more than others, actively share photos with celebrities and government
officials on social media? It is an integral part of image building and
serves as a reminder of the groomer-Guru's influence and status and are a
very intentional prop of the grooming stage.
Another strategy offenders adopt is isolating a potential victim so that
they don't have a support system who can help them see the reality and
pull themselves out of the abusive cycle. Isolating victims can be
achieved in many ways, one of which is to plant in the victim's head
that all others are jealous of him/her and are not trustworthy. In some
cases, students had shared with their groomer that they have complicated
relationships with their family and the groomer exploited the situation
by deepening the rift. In some case, gurus target students who have
moved in from another city or country as they would not be having a
local support system. We know of cases where foreign students have gone
back to their home countries distraught, broken and suicidal as a result
of their experience with world famous dance and music gurus in India.
Such gurus are a blot on the Guru-Shishya Parampara and on India.
Sexual predators often insist on secrecy right from the grooming stage.
Their public persona is very important to them so a façade of charm,
generosity, decency and a sanskari image is projected. All of this helps
throw off suspicions and keeps the groomer protected. The groomer often
influences authorities in the field to depict his uniqueness, and
indispensability, and in return demonstrate readiness to align himself
with the official stance, becoming a mouth piece for those in power,
whom he cannot afford to displease.
In many of the cases we investigated, we noticed that the in-person
grooming continued online when the victim was in a different location.
Poetic and philosophical sounding phrases like "kala ka sach" (the purity of the arts) and "bhavnao ka bawander"
(the whirlpool of emotions), find place in grooming conversations,
followed up with texts like "I cannot stop thinking of you" or reminding
the recipient of her/his special place in his heart with sentences like
"Main tum mein apne aap ko dekhta hu" (I see myself in you) or
"I have never felt this way before". In one case a serial groomer had
sent messages to several students saying that he has never felt this way
before, to each one of them!
Once a 17-year-old student, who had already been a participant in our
sexual abuse prevention workshops in a school, shared that her swimming
coach recently told her she was his special student. He wanted to teach
her some exclusive tricks to succeed in an upcoming tournament that
would require her to come to his swimming academy late evening for solo
classes. The young girl replied confidently, "Why am I special to you?
Every student of yours should be special to you and you should teach all
of us to the best of your ability". What an effective unmuting of
grooming! It was one of those moments where we felt that our work has
not been in vain. If we raise consciousness, students and young
professionals will be able to think with clarity and act firmly. If
every potential victim that a groomer has their eye on, responds with
conscience and courage, perhaps the groomers will have no option but to
stop manipulating others and instead become more ethical and valuable
human beings. We need to do everything in our power to save our
classical traditions, cultural heritage and artists from groomers,
manipulators and abusers.
 
Asiya Shervani supports organizations and creative professionals with
conversations, policies and practices pertaining to interpersonal
boundaries and ethics and Dr Arshiya Sethi is a dance scholar, activist
and development professional, who formerly served in UNODC. Both are
passionate about raising consciousness of artists and accountability of
arts institutions and preserving classical art forms.
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