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Poem Identity crisis - Sooraj Subramaniam e-mail: jaroos@hotmail.com December 29, 2013 This is an excerpt of the poem which Sooraj Subramaniam shared on the seminar panel at Purush: The Global Dancing Male, on 22 December 2013 in Chennai. He had written it initially in response to a political event which took place in Malaysia in May 2013. I am an identity crisis that’s been happening across three continents. I am a set of frappes battling a Mexican hat dance at the barre in a ballet class. I am the catch in a necklace forever kissing the back of the neck. I am a string on an cello choked by the seasons dancing across my body. I am the shruti in the vacuum cleaner. I am the plastic bag that carefully holds together the lunch contents for two children traipsing across town on a Saturday afternoon on their way to paatu class, followed by ballet class, followed by (what my grandmother would call) 'proper' dance class. I am the fold in the bellows, life support to a gasping rasping harmonium. I am the sly in a bhangi that flirts with a blue-hued deity. I am dusk, host to frivolity. I am a sear, privy to pain, gypsying across knots in backs and aches in joints. I am a hiccup of a pause in a tri tri tripalli tukra. I am the sleep that nods on long bus journeys. I am stray ankle bells hanging like charms on key rings. I am the humility which occurs when the foot strikes the earth. I am the clap and tinkle of the nattuvangam. I am the glamour in the swish of a Kancheevaram. I am the godliness in the ascension of Kiravani. I am the pain and longing in a sideways glance. I am the space between the tautness of an alapadma. I am the ache which goes with awe. I am the confluence of palms that honours privilege. I am all these things and more. So you can understand why I can’t define myself simply by the whiskers on my cheeks. Sooraj Subramaniam is a Bharatanatyam, Odissi and contemporary dancer based in Belgium.